battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
