He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
