i think my tv is drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
