don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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