I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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