maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I came so hard my ears popped.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
