Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
