He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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