I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
