onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
