I look better un-naked...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
