real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
