She is in my trunk
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
