My room smells like vodka and shame
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
