Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
