she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
