I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
