You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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