we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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