Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
