so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
