Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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