Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
