i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
