She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
