I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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