His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
