so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
