I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
