Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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