I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
