Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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