the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
