how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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