Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
