I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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