My first STD was from a foam party
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
