The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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