ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
