we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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