now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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