Nicole vs. Life
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
