i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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