Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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