It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
