hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
