You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
