i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize