Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
