Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
