A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
