Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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