So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
